It makes my heart smile when I remember why I wrote this poem in December, 2006. I was frustrated because I had been auditioning for Survivor for five years and nothing was happening. I believed God was calling me to audition for the show, and my husband and I were in agreement about this. It did not make a whole lot of sense, but we trusted His leading. I had never even received a phone call of acknowledgement from casting in ten attempts to be on the show and I knew the eleventh attempt was coming up. I didn't know if I could handle the rejection again. It is hard to be rejected over and over again and you begin to question everything after awhile.
I felt like God's will was keeping me in a constraining "fence". I felt like He was holding me back and even though I trusted His timing and His plan, I must admit I was getting frustrated - until I wrote this poem. My heart was free after writing it when I realized I could handle the rejection if that is what was coming because He was there with me and would never do anything to harm me. He had my good and His glory in mind all along.
Little did I know, Survivor casting would actually call after my eleventh audition, just three months after I wrote the poem.
Little did I know that God was not punishing me by having me go through this long and difficult process, but He was preparing me.
Little did I know I'd be spending my summer in China competing alongside fifteen other Americans on Survivor: China.
My fence is there to keep me safe and I know this to be so
But beyond the fence, to greener grass, I always long to go.
I have so many plans in life – I always seem to strive
There are ministries, people to please and dreams to keep alive!
I know if I could only go beyond my fence and try
I’d do all sorts of wonderful things like an eagle I would fly!
But my fence won’t let me wander out, it keeps me locked inside
"Why can’t I go explore sometimes?" to my Shepherd I confide.
He spoke with just a whisper while holding to my hand
He walked with me inside my fence, in the safety of the land.
"This very fence that keeps you in, the one we speak about
Not only keeps you safe within but keeps the devil out."
"The grass beyond the fence, you see, may look so green and lush
But it’s only artificial turf and your grass is real and plush."
"I saw you crying to be free and my heart just broke in two.
So instead of taking you out of your fence, I crawled inside with you."
Proverbs 3:5-6 “Trust in the Lord with all of your heart and lean not on your own understanding. In all of your ways, acknowledge Him and He will make your paths straight.”