Wednesday, August 29, 2012

Who Was That Woman Driving My Jeep Yesterday?!

I was having a nice dinner with my family last night when I decided to confess to them that I had done something out of character earlier in the day.  I confessed that I followed a woman a bit too close because I was angry that she had pulled out in front of me.  I felt horrible when the woman pulled over to the side of the road just so I would pass her and she could get me off her tail.  As I passed her, I felt horrible.  Who was that woman driving my Jeep yesterday?!  It was so hard to come face to face with my ugliness.  My heart sank as I realized how wrong I had been.  I was the one pulling over a month before as a young man tailgated me!  I remember whispering under my breath, "Jerk!", and wondered if she did the same thing.  Oh, this was a big wake up call!

I thought my family would support me, encourage me, tell me how I was such a good person and not to worry - after all, it was not something I would normally do.  But that's not what happened.  They all decided to let me know that what I did was not out of character for me.  Apparently, I'm an aggressive driver - and I didn't even realize it!  I sat there and listened to them, trying not to burst into tears because I really treasured that they were being honest...I just didn't like what I was hearing. 

Later last night I was praying and asking God to help me not to be so angry when I drive.  I mean, when I'm face to face with people, I'm super nice.  I was voted "Friendliest" in high school!  I love people and usually I'm very positive and encouraging.  So what was it...why was this such a struggle?  I immediately felt He whispered to my heart that it is a heart issue.  If we boil it all down, I guess it's pride - pride in my heart that somehow deceived me into thinking that the road belongs to me, that people owe me respect and that when someone offends me, they should pay for their actions.  But God opposes the proud, according to the Scriptures.  He lifts the humble up and gives them grace (something I desperately needed to show to this woman), but He opposes the proud.  God was not interested in my excuses (believe me I tried to convince Him that it was her fault - she made me mad by pulling out in front of me and risking my life!).  But two wrongs do not make a right.

If I could apologize to her, I would.  If I could do it all over again, instead of being angry I would pray for her instead.  It's so hard to be mad at people when you pray for them.  I would imagine that she was having a hard day, not assume she was trying to make mine hard.  After all, it's really not always about me, you know.  I know...big shock, huh? (smile)

Today has been tough as I am still wrestling through this, but one thing I can honestly say is that as I've posted about this on Facebook and discussed it on the air this morning, I'm not the only one who struggles in this area.  The good news is - Jesus still loves us.  But He does want us to become more self-aware and more like Him in the process.  He wants us to confess our sins to Him and repent (turn away from the sin) and accept His forgiveness and grace.

God knew the woman driving my Jeep yesterday was me - but He also sees who I can become when I focus not on all my short-comings, but on becoming the woman He wants me to be - by His grace.


4 comments:

kscandee said...

Well put Leslie. Funny you blogged about it. The FB post revealed one of many shortcomings I see in myself lately, and I was considering blogging it as it becomes more forefront in my mind. The need for approval...though your experience mimics road rage, it produced individual shortcoming and sin in all of us. You gave us the opportunity to throw ourselves out to the world as well. Thanks be to God for you Leslie..Peace+

Anonymous said...

Something told me to click on this link today, and something tells me it was God! I, too, had a driving mishap just this morning when a lady merged into my lane forcing me off the edge of the road and I had to slam on my brakes to avoid an accident. I, too, was very angry but I'm glad I saw this today because I truly needed that word from God today!!

Donnetta said...

While reading your post it reminded me of what I had just read and been challenged with in Lysa TerKeurst's book "Unglued".

"... if coming unglued enables me to see my underbelly, then there is a good and redemptive side to it. And if it all ultimately points me to what Isaiah calls 'the Way of Holiness' so that I spend less and less time unglued, then it's not merely good, it's of God."

Can I just say... I love you for being you! For being so transparent. For being willing to put it out there so the rest of us (or at least some of us... me) don't feel so defeated and alone in the journey, and even stay encouraged by and reminded of Truth.

Thank You Friend!

Leslie Nease said...

Ladies, thank you for your sweet comments. I'm blown away by God's grace and mercy! Donnetta - I LOVE that quote from Lysa! So true, so true...Have a beautiful day!!

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