For the past few weeks, I've been posting occasional entries from my personal journal just before I went on Survivor in 2007. I've also posted a reflection from today, some scripture and some questions for you to ask yourself. Today I'm sharing an entry that was written just four days before we left for China:
June 11, 2007
Just four more days until I leave for China! As excited as I am about this opportunity, I must admit I’m having a tough time thinking of leaving my husband and children for so long! I was at my Mom’s yesterday and she had an older woman there visiting. She knows I’m going away for about two months and she said, “I can’t believe you’re going to leave your family without you for so long!” in sort of a judgmental tone. I immediately said “You know, I realize that it’s going to be hard, but when God calls you to do something, you do it. I have to TRUST that He is going to work it all out and give us what we need to survive this”. She then said “Well, if that’s how you feel about it, you’ll be fine.” That was the first of many comments I’m sure I’ll be hearing in the next few months. I need to just be strong and remember that what counts is what GOD thinks, not me and not anyone else. I know He is calling me to do this and I know He will be glorified.
I’m starting to feel like I’m nesting like I did before I gave birth to my kids. I want everything straightened up before I go. I want to be able to leave my family with as little to do as possible, if only for a little while. It’s a tough one though because this house is a complete disaster area right now! I’m going to be very busy this week! I pray, Lord, that they will not be resentful or frustrated by my absence.
When I pray, all that comes out is “Thank you, Lord” over and over. I am really depending on the Holy Spirit right now to intercede for me because I’m having a difficult time focusing.
God, please be with my children and my husband as I go away. Give them strength, give them peace and remind them to pray for me as you remind me to pray for them. I love them so much and I do appreciate them – and I know I will appreciate them even more after this is all said and done. Thank you for that! Please help me not to be overwhelmed by what others will think of me during this time. I don’t want my fear of other’s opinions to rule my heart – as I know that will go against what you are trying to accomplish through me. Thank you for loving me just the way I am and for giving this to me. Thank you for the adventurous spirit you have given to me. I love you Lord! Thank you. Thank you!!
I heard once that when we allow other people’s opinions to rule us, we are, in a strange way, making them a god in our life. We take their opinion as truth and begin to adjust our lives to make sure we are pleasing them. I have always been a people pleaser, so this really made me think long and hard about how destructive this attitude can be. I know that is why God is so clear in His Word about the opinions of others.
You will never be able to please everybody all of the time and if you try, you will wear yourself out. You can’t do it. It’s impossible. But it is possible to please God. He looks at your heart – something others cannot see. He knows your motives – something others cannot know. He sees the whole package and others can only see in part.
When I began to realize this truth, my life was set free on a whole new level. I realized that the world was never going to see me the way God does, and I stopped caring so much. It was liberating!
Truth for Today:
Galatians 1:10 Obviously, I’m not trying to win the approval of people, but of God. If pleasing people were my goal, I would not be Christ’s servant.
Romans 2:29 ….a person with a changed heart seeks praise from God, not from people.
Isaiah 2:22 Don’t put your trust in mere humans. They are as frail as breath. What good are they?
John 5:41 (Jesus speaking)Your approval means nothing to me, because I know you do not have the love of God in your hearts.
What About You?
Are you constantly trying to please others? How is that working out for you? Have you ever run up against
opposition in doing something you know God has plainly told you to do? How did you respond?