Monday, May 22, 2017

"Help..."

I'll warn you, I'm about to get real here. It won't impress you at all and it might actually tempt you to judge me, but that's between you and God. (smile)

I've usually been a "good Christian girl" who wakes up early and has a set quiet time with God - reading and studying scripture, praying and just being still. However, the past few weeks or so, I wake up for my quiet time and end up getting distracted. I check my messages on my phone, open my
computer and catch up with people on Facebook, Twitter or Instagram. I post things from my personal page, from my business that is closing, the new job I'm starting and the fundraiser I was organizing. But my Bible lays there - unopened - unread - unused. It got easier, honestly, to just ignore it and get on with my busy day. After all, I have so much to do! But yesterday, things changed.

Though it seemed easier to ignore after awhile, I must tell you something - I have felt every tinge of sadness and grieving in my spirit throughout the day as I have put other things before God. I couldn't shake it and it wouldn't go away, no matter how much I promised not to ignore Him the next morning (and then failed to deliver). I was beginning to feel like I was drowning in a weird way. I felt like I needed Him to save me from myself, but I didn't know how He would ever get through to me.

I got up yesterday, got distracted and then as I was about to get up off the couch to start my day, I realized I had done it again. I had ignored God. I told myself, "You are NOT getting up until you spend some time with Him." But I felt so torn because I had such a big day planned. I whispered, "Help." and then reached for my journal that has some words that would be from Jesus (and Scriptures to accompany and affirm the words) on one side of the page, with the other side being lines I can journal on. I opened it up to yesterday's page and wouldn't you know....God was there. It was so amazing. Here's the first part of what I read on the page:
"What are the triggers that pull you away from Me?
What temptation can yank you from My arms?
What can fling you so easily into the abyss, and then as I wait and reach for you, I hear your small voice, "Help." and I am there."
Are you kidding me? Did He just say that? He heard me whisper, "Help." and immediately, He was there. I read the rest of the page through tears and journaled for the first time in weeks. It was awesome. I asked God to continue to help me, because clearly I didn't have the discipline in my own strength. He is helping me already.

This morning, I woke up at 4:30am - way too early if you ask me - but, it was Him. I know it was. My heart began to race and the first words that came to my heart were, "Yes, Lord". So I woke up, grabbed a cup of coffee and spent way more time with God than I had in a long time. I can tell you, my day has been amazing. I don't feel tired. I don't feel defeated and I don't feel my spirit grieving anymore.

If you are struggling to put God first today, why not whisper to Him, "Help." He will be there. He will help you - He only waits for you to ask.

"You will seek Me and you will find Me when you seek me with your whole heart." - Jeremiah 29:13

"My heart has heard you say, "Come and talk with me." And my heart responds "Lord, I am coming."  -Psalms 27:8


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