Monday, May 22, 2017


I'll warn you, I'm about to get real here. It won't impress you at all and it might actually tempt you to judge me, but that's between you and God. (smile)

I've usually been a "good Christian girl" who wakes up early and has a set quiet time with God - reading and studying scripture, praying and just being still. However, the past few weeks or so, I wake up for my quiet time and end up getting distracted. I check my messages on my phone, open my
computer and catch up with people on Facebook, Twitter or Instagram. I post things from my personal page, from my business that is closing, the new job I'm starting and the fundraiser I was organizing. But my Bible lays there - unopened - unread - unused. It got easier, honestly, to just ignore it and get on with my busy day. After all, I have so much to do! But yesterday, things changed.

Though it seemed easier to ignore after awhile, I must tell you something - I have felt every tinge of sadness and grieving in my spirit throughout the day as I have put other things before God. I couldn't shake it and it wouldn't go away, no matter how much I promised not to ignore Him the next morning (and then failed to deliver). I was beginning to feel like I was drowning in a weird way. I felt like I needed Him to save me from myself, but I didn't know how He would ever get through to me.

I got up yesterday, got distracted and then as I was about to get up off the couch to start my day, I realized I had done it again. I had ignored God. I told myself, "You are NOT getting up until you spend some time with Him." But I felt so torn because I had such a big day planned. I whispered, "Help." and then reached for my journal that has some words that would be from Jesus (and Scriptures to accompany and affirm the words) on one side of the page, with the other side being lines I can journal on. I opened it up to yesterday's page and wouldn't you know....God was there. It was so amazing. Here's the first part of what I read on the page:
"What are the triggers that pull you away from Me?
What temptation can yank you from My arms?
What can fling you so easily into the abyss, and then as I wait and reach for you, I hear your small voice, "Help." and I am there."
Are you kidding me? Did He just say that? He heard me whisper, "Help." and immediately, He was there. I read the rest of the page through tears and journaled for the first time in weeks. It was awesome. I asked God to continue to help me, because clearly I didn't have the discipline in my own strength. He is helping me already.

This morning, I woke up at 4:30am - way too early if you ask me - but, it was Him. I know it was. My heart began to race and the first words that came to my heart were, "Yes, Lord". So I woke up, grabbed a cup of coffee and spent way more time with God than I had in a long time. I can tell you, my day has been amazing. I don't feel tired. I don't feel defeated and I don't feel my spirit grieving anymore.

If you are struggling to put God first today, why not whisper to Him, "Help." He will be there. He will help you - He only waits for you to ask.

"You will seek Me and you will find Me when you seek me with your whole heart." - Jeremiah 29:13

"My heart has heard you say, "Come and talk with me." And my heart responds "Lord, I am coming."  -Psalms 27:8


Rebecca Smith said...

Love this so much and appreciate you. If we are all being honest, I think there are times for us all when the excuses and day to day "stuff" gets in the way.... okay, I let it get in the way of my time with God. So glad you are back to your time and journaling :) Love you and miss you!

Leslie Nease said...

Thanks Rebecca!! I appreciate your encouragement so much. xo Love and miss you, too!!

Angie Robertson said...

Would you share what kind of journal you use? I have been trying to create and use a prayer journal for quite some time. Being the perfectionist that I am, I find myself always trying to create the perfect prayer journal but getting hung up on it not being what I think it should be. One like you describe would help me weed out that "distraction" and the overthinking so I could get on with the business of actually using a prayer journal instead of always trying to create one!
Also, thank you for this post as I relate to it all too well!

Leslie Nease said...

Angie, the journal I am currently using (I was only on day 6 when this happened) is "Talk to Me, Jesus: His Words for You" and I got it on Amazon for the same reason you mentioned - I kept looking for a good journal! haha It's a bit "flowery" at times (at least for my taste, but sometimes it's really sweet) but there are scriptures laced throughout the journal, which helps me a lot. I always look up the scriptures after I read the "words" from Jesus. Here's the link:

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