I'm gonna be super real here, folks. It's been a weird season for me. A weird past few years, honestly. I feel like I'm the only Christian in the world who doubts, who feels cynical, who is tired of the games and the plastic smiles. Tired of the way some Christian circles handle certain things by sweeping them under the rug (in the name of Jesus). Tired of the cliche' advice and simplified theology that is so surface-level that it blows away with the first gust of wind.
Have you been hurt in church or ministry? Have you withdrawn from people intentionally to try to protect your heart? I have. And it's been really, really hard. And it's been really, really eye opening. I never in a million years thought that I would fall for this. I always wanted to be a part of the solution, not a part of the problem.
I often think back to my first few years of walking with God and weep because I was so naive, so innocent. I believed that if people claimed the name of Jesus, they would walk like Him. I believed people wouldn't play games. I was wrong. Even the strongest Christian in the world will let you down. God is trying to pry my faith in humans out of my heart and replace it with faith in Him. Only HE won't let me down. Perhaps this is the big lesson in all of this? I'm not sure.
I can't be the only one who is hurting and feeling far from God, can I? I have often said, "I don't have a problem with God! It's the people I struggle with." But...didn't He die for those people? Didn't He give up His rights to save them? Why does this have to be so hard? God is teaching me some deep, difficult truths these days. My naivety is gone now. My innocence is so smashed that sometimes I feel like I've eaten from that tree God told Adam and Eve not to eat from and it opened my eyes to the reality of good and evil - even in the church.
If you are struggling, as I have been, don't give up. It starts with honesty in your heart. It's normal to feel this way, but that deep voice in your heart telling you that this is not the way it SHOULD be is evidence that this season will pass. Eventually. After some hard, intentional work on our part and lots of faithfulness on God's part, I believe with all of my heart that the truths He is planting in our hearts will be worth it. If you are unsettled in feeling far from God, don't give up. Every step in His direction is a step back toward Him. You are NOT alone!
This article I found today may be a good place to start.